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‘Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds’ Bob Marley

I find this quote really helpful to sum up how and why therapy can be useful for people to help them manage the emotional difficulties they have. It highlights that only we have the power to change how we think, feel and behave. We cannot change the world around us and we cannot make the people who we are close to change either, all we can change is ourselves.

One challenge we have as human beings is that we all want to feel like we are in control of our own lives and so when difficult feelings, events and situations arise we feel that we want to control them. However, there is only so much we can control and ultimately all we can control is ourselves, how we choose to think, behave and live.

There are times when we are slaves to our thoughts and perceptions and they become rigid and inflexible. This can be limiting as the world does not operate in the ‘black and white’ or ‘either/or’ that our minds prefer. This limit on our minds and the world does not afford us the flexibility which helps us to navigate life’s rollercoasters.

Figuring out how to think more flexibly and consider multiple perspectives allows us to free ourselves. Only we have the power to free ourselves-you cannot easily teach someone how to achieve this but sometimes in therapy people are able to figure this out for themselves. So try it, question and wonder about whether the way you are seeing things might be seen differently by other people who are kind to you and want the best for you. Be kind to yourself in the ways that they will be and set yourself free from thoughts which just hold you back and limit yourself.

Almost every client I see has experienced the ‘tilted head’ at one time or another. What is this shared experience? Whether it be the person closest to them or a colleague who just heard the news, a familiar feeling washes over you when that head tilts to one side, the eyes become kind and you know in no uncertain terms a whole lot of sympathy is coming your way.

This can be extremely unhelpful to deal with even though it comes with the best of intentions. The trouble is that people do not know what to say or do to convey their own feelings and responses to your illness. They want to show that they care and that they are concerned about what you are going through but often all you want to know is that they still see you as the same person. The tilted head leads to you having to soothe them and reassure them that you are in fact fine and coping well. This is a tough situation to negotiate as what is intended as a show of support ends up with the onus being on you to smooth it over.

We have all done it and even when we have had the experience of being the recipient we will probably do it again. But there are no words to convey the empathy we feel or indeed the helplessness of seeing someone we care about fight to keep their health.

So what can you do? Sometimes there is no right way or words that anyone can offer us. When this is the case, you have to handle other people in the way that feels best for you at that time. You might need to let the sympathy flow towards you or to let it just pass straight through or you may even be able to let someone know what you need. Often humour is a way to break the ice and ignoring unhelpful reactions can help at other times.

It may be trial and error until you decide what is right for you. Let in the good and let go of the bad. It is your journey and you will get through the best way you know how. Support from loved ones is vital so keep close those people who just ‘get it’ and do not be afraid to have space from these who do not.