02 Jul 2014
‘Everything happens for a reason’-Coming unstuck

BY: Sara Trayman


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We all have our beliefs about the world and ways of making sense of why things happen the way they do. These ideas might have been taught to us by our parents, friends, our community, or by messages from society like media and stories. They help us to have a sense of order in the world and to organise and predict how things will be. 

But what happens when these beliefs are shaken by our experiences? What about when something happens for no apparent reason whatsoever? How do we make sense of the world when nothing seems to make sense anymore?

The times when we are left feeling like this might be when we experience loss or tragedy, when we find ourselves in a situation not of our own making or when bad/sad/confusing things happen. Then we start to pull out of our pockets the idea that ‘everything happens for a reason’ or ‘good things should happen to good people’. 

Perhaps, sometimes things happen at random and are outside of our control. When they do the world doesn’t make sense and we feel at a loss. But perhaps that is exactly what we should expect to feel. We need to experience the loss and recognise our own limitations. We have to find our way whilst feeling more lost than we have ever felt. But once we realise that things are out of control we can recognise those things we can do something about. We can notice what helps us to survive and to keep going. We can recognise our own strength and how we might be able to learn from and grow through a tough experience. Maybe if there is a reason that is it? I have often had clients share that they seem to learn and grow the most at the times when they most struggle. After all when everything is going fine and we feel in control we don’t question things and we don’t wonder or worry too much about the reason for things either.

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